how to fix my life

so i’m in the midle of a test week, and I so don’t feel like studying right now. I know I’m lazy but just don’t feel like it. anyway, i started saving for nanowrimo. I thought I proabbly won’t have the money by the time I need to place my orde, so better start now that begin late. by the time it is august i hope to have enough to pay the bills for nanowrimo.

Also last sunday I went to Tsunacon. It’s an anime convention in the dutch city Rotterdam. I had a fun time, and met some new faces and some old. Also, saw some people who I only knew from chatting, so it was awesome to see them in real life.

Soo, I feel kind of conflicted of late. it is kind of frustrating, and I do not feel that comfertable to spread it out all over the internet. its probably still the aftermath of my whole depressive subbel minded state I had last year. I still have this annoying voice in my head that keeps me from doing some things. It may sound childish or like I have some weird mental thing going on, or atleast it olooks like that in my head, but it does feel like that. and probably gave me the creative things I had.

I think I need to get some of the creative stuff I ddi in the past like making photomanipulations back in to my life since I honestly miss it, but it is also time consuming. I guess I’m stuck with some things on my mind, but just its hard making decicions. It’s a bad habbit of mine to postpone these things to the very last minute.

I passed my driverslicence today i’m so happy, i never thought it would happen. i’m bouncing around my room. I’m really glad i got this done with. now only finishing up high school and i’m done with the deppresive thing I have left. i’m momentarily looking for a job for the weekends. I hope i will find one to work with. if i earn enough money i may get my own car by next year. and having an own car si so awesome i suppose many find it great to have an own car

I have also been looking for an education after school. i’m thinking about doing communication and mediadesign. but need to find a place were i want to do that. Utrecht, Amsterdam or Anrhem (all in nehterlands). i’ve been looking through all locations. so I have plenty of options. just need to decide before may. Also I started planning for nanowrimo since januari. I wonder if it is to soon to start planning for nanowrimo.

I’m still scared for the summer, becuase i do not kow what will happen by then since i’m in an important period in my life right now and need to do it well, i just need to focus and do by best, and the first thing is what i lack, big time. Does anyone know how frustrating this is? i want to get this all done with. me needs money and being done with high school. i’ve been stuck here long enough so it would be nice to be done with it too.

so i’ve got a purpose for my life. atleast short time based. long time based i’ve got nothing to do decide permanently.